Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
