that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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