I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
