i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
