ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
