I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
