my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My dick has a subreddit
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
