Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
