guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
