I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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