Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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