The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
