She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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