I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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