UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
