from now on my penis is your penis
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
