i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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