you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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