I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
