yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
What did we do last night that was yellow?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
