if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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