I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
