I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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