Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
