strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
