Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
