Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
