So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
