So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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