it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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