On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
