You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
