I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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