Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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