u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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