meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
