I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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