All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We have started to decorate penises.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
