so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
