It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Randomize
