dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
