Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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