hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
