I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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