tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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