apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
