life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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