I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
