u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
