In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
