I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
