why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
