Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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