She announced her abortion via fbk
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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