Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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