Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
