My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
