Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
