She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
