do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
