i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
