dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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