How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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