Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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