I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
