Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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