Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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