Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
