i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
did you just send me my own nude
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
