I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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