i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
